Seinfeld Elaine partner

Kramer convinces Jerry to be a “celebrity spokesman” for he & Newman’s new pyramid scheme, MoscowMints. Elaine dates a man who shares the same morning routine. George is accused of being a Soviet spy, after asking the Yankees organist to play the USSR anthem to impress a girl he met through the MLM.

2020.09.19 03:46 Teethandflowers Kramer convinces Jerry to be a “celebrity spokesman” for he & Newman’s new pyramid scheme, MoscowMints. Elaine dates a man who shares the same morning routine. George is accused of being a Soviet spy, after asking the Yankees organist to play the USSR anthem to impress a girl he met through the MLM.

(George is sitting with Jerry, in Jerry’s apartment)
George: They think I’m a Soviet spy Jerry, a Soviet spy!
Jerry: I mean, this can’t be new territory for you. Didn’t you once pretend to be a communist to get women to sleep with you?
George: Hey! There’s a difference. I’m happy to embellish my political leanings when something benefits me. Steinbrenner thinks I’m trying to reignite the Cold War!
(Elaine is downstairs, Jerry buzzes her up)
Jerry: So what? Just tell him it was an accident, that you wanted to impress Svetlana by playing the Russian anthem and you got the wrong sheet music.
George: There’s the best part. All of it was for nothing! She dumped me!
Jerry: Dumped you? You played the USSR’s national anthem at an American baseball game, isn’t that the highest form of love?
(Elaine enters)
George: I was so caught up in panicking about them thinking I was a Soviet spy, she thought it was an affront to her heritage.
Elaine: Wow, they really hold on to the nostalgia over there, don’t they?
(Jerry and George screw up their faces)
Jerry: Whoa, I buzzed you up, not that smell.
Elaine: Ahhh, it’s Rob! I tried getting up earlier so I could beat him to the bathroom. He had the same idea, he beat me.
(Kramer enters)
Elaine: (continues) I couldn’t shower, couldn’t brush my teeth or else I’d be late for work.
Jerry: You gotta do something about that breath.
Elaine: Hey Kramer, give me some of those Moscow Mints.
Kramer: (makes a ‘Kramer face’, shaking his head) Uhuhuhuh
Jerry: What happened with Moscow Mints?
Kramer: There may be a small chance it was a money laundering operation orchestrated by the Russian government.
Jerry: What? I’m the spokesman! Get me off!
George: Kramer, you could be arrested for treason!
Elaine: Well, so could you, Comrade...
George: That’s not funny, Elaine.
Jerry: (panicked) They could throw us in jail, throw the book, keep us in a gulag! (grabs Kramer by the shirt which causes him to lose balance)
George: Oh my god, my father is in the pyramid scheme. I got him in, he’s never going to forgive me.
Kramer: Calm down everyone! They already have a fall guy. Turns out my business partner was in on it the whole time!
Elaine: (to Kramer) Newman?
Kramer: (comically falls back) Baby, spray some air freshener with that breath.
Jerry: What about Newman? He was in it from the start?
Kramer: Turns out he was creating secret channels to mail packages over to Putin to make a little cash on the side. Cash he owes me!
George, Elaine & Jerry: Putin?!
Kramer: That’s right. In fact, your girlfriend used those channels to get Newman out of the country, extradited to Russia. Turns out they had a little bit of a thing going on, he was doing her work on the mainland.
George: Wait, Svetlana was cheating on me? With Newman?
Elaine: Hey George, bigger picture.
Jerry: If Svetlana and Newman are in Russia, won’t they need a fall guy?
(knock on the door)
Man: (other side of the door) Is George Costanza in there? This is the FBI.
(Seinfeld slap bass plays)
(Post credits)
(Shot is a man waiting outside a bathroom, only see the back of a bald head, Svetlana enters)
Svetlana: Gaspadin prezident! What are you waiting on?
(Newman can be heard singing in the shower)
“Putin”: (crude Russian accent, voiced by Larry David) This man infuriates me. We have the same bathroom schedule!
(Newman pokes his head out of the door)
Newman: Sorry Vlad, hope you’re not waiting on hot water, because there’s nyet left (chuckles)
“Putin”: (angry, Russian Jerry imitation) Newman!
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2020.08.29 19:35 Pjstjohn It’s not all about him

I’m a little irritated. I’ve been watching Seinfeld, and Elaine and her ‘are you sponge worthy’ issue.
Here’s what bothers me: this was as effective against pregnancy as the condom, but the woman’s choice/ and they took it off the market for reasons.
So what then do women have? You have to rely on the man. Or the female condom? Or be on hormones (not for eveyone)I tried that (female condom) with a partner and we were VERY turned off. It’s just basically one less contraceptive women have control over.
Basically saying it’s the woman’s job, but with less tools.
I’m super pleased with my copper iud. It’s not for everyone, but outside hormones how do we protect ourselves? Also yes, I was pregnant and terminated, so I’m in the group it works better for.
Limiting the types of bc that women can control makes me sick, and that all the governing bodies want are MORE BABIES.
Edit; it also bothers me that a woman taking control over whether or not she wants to fuck a guy is a source of comedy.
submitted by Pjstjohn to childfree [link] [comments]

2020.06.25 22:25 dueuknome My best friend’s new GF doesn’t seem like a good fit for him but more like a relationship of convenience/rebound. I don’t know how to bring it up in a kind way that isn’t judgmental or pushy.

For a little context/ tl;dr: My (28f) best friend, Jay (30M) has a relatively new GF (23). Jay and I dated before but are better as friends - there are zero residual feelings on both sides. They first met prior to quarantine and continued talking and seeing each other during the initial lock downs. Dating is a nightmare right now so she’s the only girl he’s pursued since the pandemic started. They’ve known each other since February and have been a couple for about 2 months. She seems like a nice girl but I don’t think she’s a good fit for him based on a few things and I want to talk to him about it. How do I do that without seeming judgmental or jealous? Or maybe I shouldn’t say anything at all?
Jay and I met over a year ago and we dated for 6 months. We live in a trendy area of a big Midwest city. I was his first ever GF and the first 3 months were like a highschool puppy love. We met each other’s parents 1 month in and I moved into his place after 1 month because I was in between apartments and jobs. It made for an awesome summer that we both look back on fondly. At 5 months I found my own place and it’s 3 blocks from his (purely coincidental - it’s in my budget and near my job). Eventually we found ourselves losing that puppy love excitement and broke up at 6 months. In the end we realized that we are much better and happier as best friends. We still hang out at least once a week and it’s usually a walk or playing cards and sharing beers.
Yesterday on our walk, Jay told me his GF was acting weird and finally asked him “what’s the deal with you and OP?” She’s known about me all along and he’s never hidden that we spend a lot of time together. He explained that we didn’t want to abandon something great just because our romantic feelings were gone - breakups are hard enough as it is. We’ve always compared it to Seinfeld and Elaine or Andy Dwyer and Ann Perkins - yes, we dated; yes, we hang out a ton; no, we will not date in the future. Unfortunately, she has been super aloof since their conversation on Tuesday. He’s worried she’s going to cancel the weekend trip they are leaving for tomorrow. That she might bail on him entirely. He said she’s been weird via text and in person ever since.
Here’s the thing, we totally understand her POV. Our situation is unusual. It took time for friends and family to adjust to our new dynamic. He told her she can talk to me to help ease her mind. If she reaches out I’ll gladly talk. She and I have not met yet but she sounds nice enough and I want Jay to be happy.
However, our talk made me worry more. It doesn’t feel right. When he first started hanging out with her he asked me about potential red flags, some bigger than others. I told him to give it time since it’s new. But even now, nothing has been resolved and he still feels she’s hiding things. (I can go into detail in the comments if necessary but I don’t want this to be too long.)
He’s never been excited about her. It took months before telling his friends and family about her. Last weekend he brought her to a friends’ cabin weekend. Apparently, she barely talked to anyone. They’re all super kind and inviting people. But she hardly made an effort. He tried to nudge her into bonding but she wouldn’t engage.
She does not communicate AT ALL. He second guesses himself because he doesn’t know what she wants or feels. He gets stuck in his own head and lately it’s making him noticeably anxious.
My biggest thing though is they do not laugh together. They watch funny movies and tv together but outside of that there’s no laughter. He admitted it himself when I asked. It bums me out for him because that’s the best part of our friendship. Laughter is embedded in his family and friendships. I want him to have that in a partner too.
She’s younger than us maybe that’s a factor. It took me years to be comfortable enough in who I am to be open with others. Maybe she’s not at that point yet and it’s easier to keep a wall up. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt; no one deserves to be judged based on only second hand info.
It just seems like he’s with her because he wants a gf and she’s the available option due to the pandemic. It might not be mind games but it is possible. A lot of these issues are things that he’s walked away from when dating other women. He would never admit this and it’s not something I’d ever say to him either.
It’s been a nightmare dating right now. The only thing I’m jealous of is that he’s had success jumping back into dating and I haven’t yet. It will be tempting to latch on to the first guy who sticks around so I’m just worried that’s exactly what happened with Jay and his new GF.
submitted by dueuknome to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2019.07.12 09:34 lucy-n-the-sky Fan Fiction

Hello All!
Recently, my friend & I have been watching Seinfeld together. We’ve both never seen the show before; but we’re now realizing it’s one of the best shows ever. it’s classic.
Anyways, she been in a funk mentally lately & one of her things she does to get her out of a funk is to write. She decided to write fan fiction about the show! I figured it’s interesting enough to show to you guys! Here you go:
It’s a bit long, but it’s an amazing read.
Elaine Benes was a private detective that lived in New York City with her boyfriend Jerry Seinfeld. She lead a fairly normal life and made good money due to the fact that she literally never failed to solve a case. Everyone that knew her figured she was a secret genius, but she actually an average IQ. She had an ability that allowed her to solve cases in less than 24 hours because she could see ghosts.
All Elaine would have to do was go to the crime scene and find the spot where the victim had died. All victims of murder were ghosts because they had unfinished business, meaning they couldn't continue on until someone solved their case. It didn't matter what type of case it was, cold, new, or lacking evidence, Elaine and her “partner” George always solved it. George was the only person that knew of Elaine’s special ability and actually managed to continue keeping it a secret, even though he literally told every other secret he knew. He kept Elaine’s secret because he was terrified of the government and thought that if the government knew Elaine could see dead people, she’d be turned in a federal lab experiment.
As the three sat in their usual diner, eating their usual, boring meals. Elaine received a call from a distraught man named Kramer. Kramer claimed his best friend and neighbor of ten years was murdered. The police had foolishly claimed the murder was actual an accident, but Kramer knew the truth and wanted justice for his friend, Newman (I looked it up and he literally doesn't have a first name). Kramer explained that Newman was found in a pool of his own sweat, dead from apparent “heat exhaustion”. The police claimed that heat exhaustion was a common accidental death and Newman never had an air conditioner. Kramer refused to believe this was an accident but it was too late, the police had already logged it as so and his only hope was Elaine and George.
George managed to get to the scene before Elaine and started investigating. He worked in the forensic lab and began taking DNA from wherever he could find. He started with the pool of sweat, but the “murder” didn't leave any fingerprints behind. The only thing found at the crime scene hoarded letters, which made sense because Newman was a mailman. George quickly gathered his sweat sample and took a cab to the forensic lab. As he was leaving, Elaine arrived and headed up to Newman’s apartment. She knelt next to his body and closed her eyes, but nothing was coming to her. She couldn't see any spirits and which could only mean that Newman had been murdered outside of his apartment.
Elaine, frustrated and stressed, called George and asked him if the samples had come up with anything. George, practically screaming into the phone, explained that the sweat actually wasn't sweat at all, but was water mixed with glycerin, a standard make-up artist trick. Elaine quickly called Kramer to explain to him that he was right all along. Before she could finish her sentence, Kramer was already barging through the door. The two looked for more evidence within the endless mail piles throughout his house. Everything looked like it hadn’t been open except for one thing, Newman’s mail. Newman had received a coupon in the mail that offered free, non-fat yogurt and it was addressed to Newman specifically. Elaine and Kramer found this odd, considering they knew of the non-fat yogurt shop and were aware that the owner never gave out coupons because he already had low prices in the first place. The two decided to head to the yogurt shop to ask the owner if the coupon was real.
The owner explained the coupon was obviously fake and had to have been made using some type of digital art software. Elaine didn't know where to go next. In order to talk to Newman’s ghost, she had to find the place where he was killed and she had no idea where to start. She decided to go home, it was getting late. She told Kramer she’d meet him at Newman’s apartment in the morning. She arrived home before Jerry did and took a look in the fridge. She grabbed the milk and went to the cabinet to grab some cereal. She then noticed that something had been shoved behind the cereals. It was a journal, written by Newman. She shakily opened the journal and skimmed through the pages. Newman had confessed his love for Elaine and wrote of schemes he had planned to use to grab her attention. Based on Newman’s journal, it seemed as though he was obsessed with her.
Elaine quickly shut the journal and placed it back where she had found it. Somehow, she found the inner strength to close her eyes and when she opened them, Newman’s ghost was sitting on the couch. Elaine gasped and continued to be shocked while Newman explained that Jerry had found out about Newman’s love for Elaine. Out of jealousy, Jerry fabricated coupons to Newman’s favorite non-fat yogurt spot for the two of them. Jerry offered to use his coupon first, encouraging Newman to save his for another time. Jerry bought non-fat yogurt for the two of them, putting a lethal drug combination in Newman’s, killing him almost instantly.
Elaine was heartbroken. How could the love of her life do this? How could she have spent so much time with someone and never really know them at all. She listened as Newman explained that after killing him, Jerry then used his rug to drag Newman back to his apartment. Using the fake sweat mixture to make a pool of sweat around Newman, Jerry figured Newman’s depressing story about never having an air conditioner would come in handy to prove this murder was an accident. Just as Newman was finishing up his story, Elaine heard Jerry’s keys shaking in the lock. She quickly wiped away her tears and found a magazine, pretending to have been reading the entire time.
Jerry greeted Elaine in his usual manner, asking her about her day. Elaine, still in shock with her conversation with Newman, gave short responses. She abruptly told Jerry she needed to pee and briskly walked to the bathroom. She took out her phone and called George. George, in the middle of making a move on a girl, let it go to voicemail, claiming there was only 3 emergencies in the world at the moment and he was sure Elaine’s phone call wasn't one of them. Elaine then tried Kramer, but his phone line was busy. She was out of options and had already spent way too much time in the bathroom. She texted the two men, hoping one of them would come to her rescue.
While fixing a bowl of cereal, Jerry noticed Newman’s journal had been moved slightly. He then retrieved one of his largest kitchen knives, waiting for Elaine to come out of the bathroom. She walked out, quickly coming up with an excuse to go back to her own apartment, claiming she didn't feel well. Jerry slammed Newman’s journal on the kitchen counter and called Elaine a liar. He started to walk towards her, stopping at the front door.
Jerry explained that he killed Newman because he was a creep and didn't want Elaine to have to live with a stalker following her every move. He explained that if he had let Newman live, Elaine and Jerry would have never had a positive future. He apologized for Elaine having to find out like this. Elaine attempted to ask him more questions about the case, prompting for more information as a distraction. She asked how he got Newman’s journal in the first place and Jerry explained that he broke into Newman’s house, in an attempt to retrieve his missing mail and found the journal opened on the counter. Of course, Jerry was nosey and couldn't help reading it, finding out about Newman’s obsession over Elaine.
Elaine furiously told Jerry that she could no longer trust him and he had ruined their relationship. Jerry explained that if he couldn't have Elaine, no one could. Just as he was raising the knife and walking towards her, the door slammed open. Kramer was in need of batteries because his house phone had died, after pretending to be a movie theatre information service. The door knocked Jerry unconscious and Elaine sighed with relief. Kramer and his lack of personal boundaries had saved the day. Elaine and Kramer quickly ran out of the apartment, catching a taxi to the police station.
Elaine told the police everything Newman had told her, mentioning that Jerry had threatened her and could have killed her too. The police sent first responders to Jerry’s apartment and wrote a check to Elaine, giving her the reward for solving the case. She gave half of the $50,000 reward to Kramer, for saving her life. In that moment, she decided to fire George for being incompentent and unavailable, hiring Kramer in his place.
When the police arrived at Jerry’s apartment, he was nowhere to be seen. He had disappeared and left no trace of being there in the first place. The police issued a warrant for his arrest, and called Elaine, warning her. Elaine and Kramer were forced into protective services. The police had set them up with a house in a safe and quiet neighborhood, where they could be closely watched in case something came up. Elaine and Kramer were not allowed to know about the location beforehand and had to wear blindfolds on the flight and on the drive to their new home. When the two took off their blindfolds, the realized the police had relocated them to Florida, right next door to Jerry’s parents.
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2019.06.23 03:21 clericalbovineraptor The Seinfeld Gemini Connection

I thought I would make a post about Seinfeld today. Earlier today I had been thinking about the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine and George realize that they have nothing to talk about, so they decide to go to lunch and talk about why they have nothing to talk about. Ultimately they decide that the only thing which they can talk about is Jerry and they basically spend the rest of the episode gossiping about Jerry.
Now I am generally in the habit of applying the astrological perspective to just about everything so I decided to do the same for my favorite sitcom. After thinking for a little while and figured that the entire show is best understood through common Gemini personality types. My reasoning was such:
Let's start with George Costanza: CanceGemini
George can best be described as a Cancer with a few inner planets in Gemini. George is a curmudgeon, and by far the most emotional of the group. These emotions are most often used to hatch schemes in which he is constantly trying to get over or even with someone. Most of these schemes are actually quite impressive, but at the end of the day Karma always seems to bite him in the ass. He is gluttonous and unlikeable, but often times right, even though he will never reap the rewards of being right as he will dig himself into a hole deeper than the one he was trying to figure his way out of most of the time. Jerry says it best, when asked by George, "What kind of person are you?" Jerry responds, "I think alot like you, only successful." Cancer's do not know how to play politics, but Gemini's are masters.
Jerry Seinfeld: Gemini/Gemini
In the show Jerry's character is best described as the pure Gemini. He is a communicator by trade and there is a certain boyishness to his character as well which further illustrates this point. His character is more sensual than the typical Gemini though, but his sporadic and ephemeral love affairs tend towards a Gemini sensibility.
Elaine Benes: Taurus/Gemini
The character of Elaine fills the role of the Taurean Gemini. She most closely relates to Jerry's character overall, and further down the Gemini rabbit hole their relationship, or lack there of, can be viewed as the whole reason for the group's stagnancy. Jerry and Elaine seem to play the male and female roles of The Lovers Tarot card, which is attributed as the Tarot analogy of the Gemini sign. Their inability to complete this bond forms the basis for the rest of the groups stagnation. Elaine's more Taurean qualities include her tendency to stay in relationships longer than the other characters of the show, gluttony (let's not forget the Big Salad), and a severe angry streak which only reveals itself after she is provoked, typically by George.
Cosmo Kramer: Aries/Gemini
Kramer was hard, and honestly I spent a good deal of time debating between him or Elaine for the Taurean Gemini. Kramer truly is a sloth 90% of the time, which tends towards a Taurus more than an Aries. Kramer also does not get angry very often, unlike Elaine, which is out of character with the typical Aries personality. However, I think that the Gemini energies would likely curb this energy into playful schemishness rather than a violent force. Kramer is also a spontaneous do-er much more so than Elaine. Kramer's appearance also tends heavily towards the Aries type.
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2019.05.14 05:49 BigElevatorEveryone What are your thoughts on living apart together relationships (forgoing cohabitation in a LTR)?

I read an interesting article on "living apart together" (LAT) relationships where romantic partners forego cohabitation in favor of having their own separate homes ( The author summarizes some of its benefits:
  1. Living apart enhances and maintains the novelty found at the beginning of the relationship. They avoid falling into routine as easily as cohabitants.
  2. Partners in LAT relationships idealize each other more because of the distance between them and the limited time they share. This is the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" idea.
  3. LAT couples avoid artificial commitment within relationships because living together puts up barriers to breaking up which can make people feel stuck, such as the burden of finding a new space to live.
Other advantages I have seen mentioned concerning this type of relationship:
  1. Avoiding over familiarity with your partner's behavior that can get on your nerves if you shared a living space. This includes simple things like having to share a bathroom and becoming acquainted with that 'side' of them. Something like that can be avoided if one is a sufficiently large living space but it is more about having metaphysical distance from the more prosaic functions of your partner.
  2. More freedom when it comes to scheduling, such as if one person is a night owl versus morning person.
  3. More freedom to arrange one's own space and express their own household style.
I wonder what you all think about this? Any downsides that stand out or ones you've encountered in your own lives? For me, cost could be one if you're living in an expensive city, and I'm not sure about how raising children would work. I'm also reminded of that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine was going to move into Jerry's building, but he was against it. There is something kind of cool to me about living with your partner in the same apartment building but on different floors.
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2019.01.04 03:27 alex-alone If Seinfeld was airing now, what modern, petty reasons would cause Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer to break up with their partners?

submitted by alex-alone to AskReddit [link] [comments]

2018.12.07 13:32 Mason7946 Total breakdown at 3:50am with revelation of what I’ve done to myself

Yesterday I told my mother everything...
For the first 15 years of my life I was Intact. Then I decided to submit to circumcision. Having grown up hearing stories from my circumcised father about how men in the military would have it done to make them better soldiers, showers in gym class would be divided among Intact and circumcised, and just generally men using foreskin as a point of ridicule, I didn’t grow up thinking I was normal but abnormal.
Friends and cousins would also make fun of foreskin as a thing of disgust, mind you all had been under the knife. This made me feel isolated.
Pop-culture wasn’t much better. I distinctly remember Elaine from Seinfeld saying that she had sex with an intact man and it was like “having sex with a Martian”. Didn’t realize it until now but I was really affected by all this stuff.
I went from loving human contact and social situation to being more aggressive, extremely distracted and unable to concentrate as time past (15 years post op). In a sense I feel I willingly CUT myself off from humanity.
If that sounds too extreme, I’ll put it this way.
IMAGINE having sex ONE DAY, you enjoy oral sex, slow/shallow thrusts, general passion and being able to Orgasm whenever you’re ready from any sexual contact. THE NEXT DAY you only find enjoyment from masterbating (because no one’s hand is strong enough to bring you to climax) and you can only climax with your partner in the beginning of the relationship when all relationship are at their hottest and heaviest (pheromones/hormones at their peak) and using your partner as a pound-town hole which may or may not do its job on you (because sex bareback is like having sex with multiple condoms on).
I want romantic relationships, but having to mentally exhaust myself by focus on orgasms and not the person I am with, all the while using my dick like a jackhammer, with or without the possibility of even climaxing (as that is the only way of getting enough sensation in my penis) is no healthy relationship AT ALL.
After spilling my guts out to my mother yesterday she said, “my god, that’s why you have been so angry all these years”, “but there was no convincing you otherwise”. She’s right, my mind was made up, or made up for me. So to speak.
To add insult to injury all the sites I read out there talk about “circumcision, I had it done as an adult and loved it, so will you!” or, some other bullshit.
Yes, I’ve done “NoFap”, it just made me even more aggressive after six months and didn’t help sensitivity.
Yes, I have restored (or stretched the foreskin Remnant from C3-C5), it had reduced chaffing but thats it. The NERVES ARE GONE PEOPLE, 84% of sexual tissue removed in an instant (4K nerve endings in the glans and 20k in the foreskin on average).
I cannot be the only one whom has had a horrible experience!
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2018.08.30 01:52 Punkposer83 Jerry’s gf keeps leaving one French fry on her plate. George try’s and fails to get sexually harassed at work. Eliane ignores her work emails and ends up getting paired with peterman on a community service project. Kramer and Newman drive a senior citizens bus to Atlantic City.

I love seeing everyone’s ideas and I thought I’d give each characters basic arc and you guys could fill in the blanks! Hope to see some fun and interesting comments! Be gentle it’s my first time posting here! 😆
Jerry begins to get suspicious when his new girlfriend constantly cleans her plate during meals, but always leaves a single French fry on the plate. Prompting him to ask George and Elaine if that’s weird or not. I can see Jerry and George saying something like. “You don’t leave just one fry. 4 fries, ok, 3 I can understand, 2 fries, that’s pushing it a little bit, but 1!? You gotta eat the French fry!
George is confused when a shorter, stockier, balder man at the office is sexually harassed by a female co worker, and wonders why he’s never been sexually harassed. After many failed attempts with the woman who was accused of harassment, he asks why she won’t harass him, and she simply says. Face it George you’re unharrasable! Causing George to go on one of his famous rants to Jerry at the coffee shop.
Elaine is getting tired of receiving dozens of pointless work emails throughout the day and so she unplugs her computer and ignores her cellphone. Turns out she missed a sign up sheet to pair up with a partner to do a mandatory community service project for the company and is default paired up with peterman. After hearing all of petermans wild and over the top ideas, she goes to Kramer for help!
Kramer tells Jerry and Elaine that he and Newman are doing a senior citizens bus tour to Atlantic City. Elaine asks if her and peterman can come along so she can use the trip as her community service project. Kramer agrees. As they all get on the bus, not only is it a short bus, but she’s stuck between Newman and peterman the entire trip, but the only senior citizens on the bus are the Seinfeld’s and the costanzas who bicker the entire time.
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2018.07.26 03:12 letsgomarauders Thur 7/26 TV Listings!

(all times Eastern USA)
Best Christmas Party Ever
Tomorrow, 12:00 AM / HALMRK 68
An event planner becomes distraught when she learns her boss is handing the company to her nephew instead of her, despite all of her hard work, but with their biggest holiday party approaching, she has to train the nephew to get the job done in time.
Martin - Scrooge
Tomorrow, 12:30 AM / BET 71
During the Christmas season, a group of holiday ghosts pays the unsuspecting, grumpy Martin a much-needed visit in a dramatic and frightening attempt to bring him an abundance of holiday cheer and lift his spirits off of the ground.
Christmas at Cartwright's
Tomorrow, 2:00 AM / HALMRK 68
A single, jobless mother looks for work to help make her daughter's Christmas a happy one, and with help from an angel, she finds a job as a department store Santa, leading her to a love interest that she believes can be the one for her.
One Starry Christmas
Tomorrow, 4:00 AM / HALMRK 68
An astronomer is upset when her boyfriend schedules a business trip over the holidays and decides to surprise him and her family on a visit, but when she falls for a cowboy on her trip there, she becomes conflicted on who deserves her love.
I'm Not Ready for Christmas
Tomorrow, 6:00 AM / HALMRK 68
When a holiday wish causes a dishonest businesswoman, who has become less compassionate while ambitiously pursuing a career in advertising, to lose her ability to hide the truth, she must rediscover her sincerity while reckoning with her lies.
Ice Sculpture Christmas
Tomorrow, 8:00 AM / HALMRK 68
A struggling young woman becomes involved in an ice-sculpting competition, and while she tries to help her affluent partner master the basics of the art form, he helps her realize that she has what it takes to reach her goals.
Christmas in Homestead
Tomorrow, 12:00 PM / HALMRK 68
A famous actress comes to a Christmas-obsessed small town in Iowa to shoot a holiday-themed movie and is surprised to find herself falling for a local innkeeper who is also a single father as she receives a lesson in the true meaning of Christmas.
A Cookie Cutter Christmas
Tomorrow, 2:00 PM / HALMRK 68
Two elementary school teachers reignite their rivalry with the Christmas cookie bake-off and soon find they share a crush on the same single dad, but their competitiveness for both the prize and the love causes them to lose focus on the true meaning.
Last Man Standing - Last Christmas Standing
Tomorrow, 5:30 PM / CMTV 45
The father of Kristin's baby unexpectedly comes back to town after a long absence leaving Mike and Kristin's boyfriend, Kyle, unsure of how to handle it; Mandy tries to unionize the elves to get better perks at Outdoor Man after Ed hires her.
Crown for Christmas
Tomorrow, 6:00 PM / HALMRK 68
A woman becomes a governess after being let go from her job at a hotel, but when she meets her new employer and his young daughter, who is known to cause trouble for authority figures, she discovers that they are European monarchs.
Christmas in Evergreen
Tomorrow, 8:00 PM / HALMRK 68
When a local veterinarian wishes for a romantic holiday, she suddenly meets a businessman and his daughter stranded at the airport, but when the daughter makes a wish of her own on a snow globe, an unexpected romance ensues.
Bob's Burgers - Father of the Bob
Tomorrow, 10:30 PM / TOON-E 58
Bob and "Big Bob" dig up an old argument and compete against each other in the kitchen after a Christmas Party, and the kids have a competition of their own to see who can get the best gift for their father.
Seinfeld - The Pick
Tomorrow, 11:00 PM / WTTA-DT 6 / MYNET
Jerry's romance with a model is ended when she misconstrues a nose scratch from a nose pick; Elaine sends everyone a revealing Christmas card; Kramer goes to Calvin Klein headquarters to complain about the company's new perfume.
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2018.06.13 04:13 11strangecharm Growing Up Lesbian vs Gay vs Bi - Commonalities and Differences and How They Affect Us

Let's discuss.
Growing up lesbian, I always felt there was more stigma in rejecting men as a whole than there was stigma about being attracted to girls (it was gross that the boys only seemed to like it for hot girls for fetishistic reasons, but they weren't vicious to hot bi girls, hoping on some level to get into their pants, though of course that's not the same as respect). On the other hand, gay guys seem to face more stigma for their attraction to other guys, and whether a guy is gay or bi, if he's known to be attracted to other guys, he faces that stigma.
For a long time as a kid, even though I realized my physical attraction to girls and women from a very young age (about five), I felt weird any time I tried to picture myself dating a girl, even though my parents actively told me from an early age that they had no problem with homosexuality. Lots of media I watched from infancy portrayed straight relationships, whereas even watching adult sitcoms in the 90s there was very little in the way of lesbian representation. I watched a lot of Seinfeld and Frasier in the late 90s, and they had Elaine go to a lesbian wedding (but we don't see that on camera because she's stuck on the subway), Susan dated a woman after George (though of course her girlfriend who'd never been with a man leaves her for Kraemer), and in Frasier they had Roz opt to go out with a woman who was into her rather than be stuck in the booth with Noel in that charity auction episode, but I'm drawing a blank as to lesbian characters from TV then, let alone relationships of two women. I haven't kept up with modern TV, but I've heard it's getting better. Given how difficult it was to come to terms with being lesbian and pursuing relationships with women even with my supportive parents and growing up in a time when it was somewhat openly talked about on TV, I can't imagine how much more difficult it is for those who had parents and community all saying it was a sin and otherwise not speaking at all about it.
I also think there was a positive effect on my sexual development that I had no interest in boys. I never gave a shit what they thought about me, I've always prioritized orgasms (for myself and my partner), and I avoided developing that annoying habit of bending over backwards to please the boys. I've known many straight women who tolerate all kinds of crap from men in their relationships that I would never tolerate from women. Whether it's because they believe all men are that way and that's the best they'll do or because they've been taught to prioritize the men's desires over their own or some other reasons, I see a marked difference in the average amount of crap a straight woman will tolerate. On average, anyway. I've known some lesbians who get desperate and tolerate crap from their girlfriends.
So, what are your thoughts?
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2017.09.18 16:50 Sorryaboutthat1time [Frasier/ seinfeld] who's had more sexual partners, roz or Elaine?

submitted by Sorryaboutthat1time to AskScienceFiction [link] [comments]

2016.02.22 15:08 atenea-del-sol Ladies, what do you do on the dance floor?

Do you have signature moves? Are you like Elaine, from Seinfeld? Do you and your partner tango? What's your go-to?
submitted by atenea-del-sol to AskWomen [link] [comments]

2014.06.17 05:51 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I am comedian & writer Carol Leifer. I've written for shows from Seinfeld to Modern Family to SNL. Ask me anything!

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Date: 2014-06-16
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Questions Answers
1) Did you ever have a storyline you fell in love with that Jerry and Larry put the kibosh on? I know they have kiboshed before. 1) Another excellent question! There was a storyline that I really wanted to do when I worked at Seinfeld, you know so much of the ideas there were inspired from real life and I knew that if I pitched something and it happened in real life I would have a bit of an edge. So at the time, fanny packs were really popular, and I remember wearing my fanny pack under a t-shirt one day, and wherever I went people were exceedingly nice, letting me go in front of them in line, letting me go first wherever I was, and then I realized at the end of the day my giant fanny pack under my t-shirt made me look pregnant! So I always thought it would be a great Elaine story if she started to use that, the fanny pack, as a way to make her day in New York a lot less taxing, you know - getting the first taxi because she looked pregnant, getting concert tickets first because people saw her standing in line, and I think they always liked the notion of it but it never became an episode. So I love those ideas about Seinfeld because nobody has fanny packs anymore, so it really was specific to the time (except dweebs who wear fanny packs).
2) I heard Patrick Warburton brought the house down at the Face Painter table read. Is this true and/or were you there? 2) Yes, I was there, and Patrick Warburton did kill at that table read. It's something that I love about doing television, when you read the script aloud and kind of stars are born, you know? Patrick really hadn't done much before Seinfeld, and when he came on the scene he just killed. Another actor like that is a little actor named Bryan Cranston, who played Tim Watley, the dentist, and was another person who really killed it at the table read and at the tapings.
3) Do you have a 24 cancellation policy?? 3) Not sure what you're asking?
Who was your favorite celeb to work with? Least favorite? Why? I would probably have to say Frank Sinatra, because I opened for Frank Sinatra in my standup days, and I tell this story in my book, because the lesson from that was from the deepest valley of your career can come the greatest moment. And that was what happened with me - I was working with an agent that promised me the moon, and I wound up doing at Ground round restaurants on the New Jersey turnpike, and I kept asking him where the great gigs were, and he kept promising me to open up for Frank, and at that point I was like "Frank who? Frank Stallone, because nothing is happening here?" and finally he got me to open for Frank Sinatra, and he was such a gentleman, and it's very rare when you interface with greatness like that.
As to the worst celebrity I've ever worked with, you'd have to be a dummy to think I'm going to answer that question - because as I talk about in my new book, it's really important to be nice in business, because when you say bad things about people it gets back to them and it screws YOU over, so who did it really help?
*Were you as mad about Paul Reiser as Helen Hunt was? Oh yes, I talk a lot about Paul Reiser in my new book. He is the reason I got into the comedy business at all. Because we went to college together, he was in my theater group, and became my boyfriend, and he was the funniest person I had ever met, and he told me about these comedy clubs in NYC that had these open mic nights. So I often teased Paul that if I had never met him, maybe I would not have found my way into standup comedy!
*When was the last time you were in East Williston? *Lake Success, worst shopping plaza on Long Island or what?! That's a really great question. East Williston is where i was born and grew up, it's a little town on Long Island. My mom sold her house there, I think it is about 6 years ago, so the last time I was there was 6 years ago to help her pack and say goodbye to the house I had spent all those years in since i was born. And I love Long Island and surprisingly, Long Island has come up with an astonishing amount of comedians. I dunno, maybe it's something in the water!
What is your trick to curing writer's block? I am one of the few lucky writers who have never experienced a major bout of writer's block. And I think it's because I always live my life, part of me is always in the moment, and part of me is always outside of myself looking for a comedic moment to exploit. Like sitting at my house here, we have this beautiful avocado tree, and unfortunately it hangs over to our neighbor's house, so we have this beautiful tree but all the fruit is over on his side. And when I think about that, I think well that is the start of a good funny story for some show. Especially if you don't get along with your neighbor. That makes it even more interesting. So I always keep my eyes and ears open for anything that could make a funny sitcom plotline.
You had me at "audiobook". Did you narrate it yourself? If so, how was the recording process? Yes I did! It was a lot of fun. I like to read my own books aloud because also, being a standup comedian, I like to kind of tell my own jokes in the book, in my own style and way, so it's not something that I would have wanted to leave to someone like James Earl Jones. The recording process is a bit challenging, because anytime you make any kind of verbal misstep, you kind of have to do the whole sentence over again. So it's a little bit like having a test at school, and it can be a little nervewracking because you want to make sure that you don't mess up so you don't have to keep doing it over, but I still enjoyed it quite a bit because I like to tell my jokes with my own inflection in my own way.
You have to admit, James Earl Jones would've been pretty funny. Yes, the next time I have laryngitis I'm going to hire him.
How hard is it to interweave the various storylines when writing for Modern Family? I'm a huge fan of the show and am always impressed at how all of the main characters seem to get similar amounts of screen time each episode. Yes, that really is very remarkable over at that show. Again, the episode I wrote at Modern Family included stories from real life such as - my episode was called Two Monkeys and a Panda. Mitch and Cam create a storybook for their adopted child, and that came from real life as my partner and I have an adopted son, and Jay and Gloria argue over where their final resting spot will be, in the ground or in a crypt, which is something that my partner and I have also bickered about, but the real genius of Modern Family is that Steve Levitan and Chris Lloyd, who are the Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld of Modern Family, also know how to service all of the characters where it feels equally distributed and everyone has a decent storyline.
Hi Carol, thanks for joining us! Do you have any top tips on how to get into writing? Have a great day! I hope I kind of answered that before, in terms of whatever show you like or would like to write for, to try to find a job at that show on the bottom rung, but not to be evasive of your question, but really my entire book is all about that - how to not only get into showbusiness, but also how to score in ANY business. I've been doing what I've been doing for 37 years which even when I say it myself is still kind of staggering to me, but there's a reason for my success and I feel like in my book I really wanted to share not only the really good things I've done along the way and the smart things but also the boneheaded things that I wouldn't want any of you to do.
Hi Carol - what's your favourite Seinfeld episode, and did you have any part in writing it? Also, how cool is Larry David? My favorite Seinfeld episode is The Marble Rye, it was an episode that I am credited with but I always say this with a grain of salt because Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld re-wrote every episode of Seinfeld themselves, so the episode you see on TV came from their pens last. But it was a really fun episode because we shot it at Paramount Studios, we spent about a million dollars to shoot the episode (which was an OUTRAGEOUS amount of money at the time to spend on an episode) and Kramer drove the cab in that episode, Elaine dated the saxaphone player who had so much oral sex with her that it ruined his saxaphone playing, it was really a blast.
I always had interpreted the Elaine as it was his inability to satisfy her shattered his confidence and that is why he couldn't play the sax. Was I just way off base with that? No, I would say that was a pretty apt description of the entire plot point. Thank you for summing it up so beautifully.
What's the single most valuable quality (aside from being funny) for a new person to possess in a comedy writers' room? I think the best quality for a writer to have (and I talk about this in great detail with my new book) is "the easy hang." And it's something that Larry and Jerry used to describe writers they wanted to hire. You can be as funny as anybody, but if people don't like hanging out with you, if your personality is a drag, you're not going to last very long in a writer's room. So I always advise people to work on their personality skills along with their comedic skills.
What's a damaging quality? As an agent once told me: "Don't be an asshole, because if you are, they will fire you and hire someone else who isn't." And that's applicable to anybody in any field.
Is there a joke or concept from Seinfeld that in retrospect you would want to change or modify if you had the ability to go back in time? I don't think there's anything I would change about Seinfeld. The great thing about Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld having the final pass on every script there is the writers - we all completely trusted their judgement. They knew Seinfeld, the show, better than anyone, and we left our drafts in their trusty hands to decide what felt authentic and what wasn't. My only regret, and I talk about this in my new book, is that when we shot the Marble Rye, Kramer's horse Rusty was eating a costco sized can of Beefaroni, and the prop man gave me that empty can as a souvenir, and when I moved, my movers threw it out thinking it was just an empty can.
You've written for a variety of platforms; talk show, sketch comedy, sitcom, what is your favorite and what are the challenges of going from one to another? It's hard to say which is my favorite type of show to write for, because I really love doing it all. Sitcoms obviously have been my bread and butter, but I've also written for the Academy Awards seven times, which is the most of any female writer. And I love it when I get the opportunity, because there's nothing like the Oscars. It's still the greatest show on earth, even though there are 3 billion other award shows. And I'm still as star-struck as anybody else when you meet Sandra Bullock or Micheal Douglas, my heart is still in my throat for a few beats before I get comfortable. I'm just like anybody else that way.
A lot of female television writers have talked about the sexism they have experienced. has that been an issue in your career, and, if so has it changed over time or is it different working on different shows? I think there will always be sexism in the comedy world, because we're still very much in the minority. But I have always seen being female as a tremendous advantage in my comedy career, because you need to take what makes you different and use it to your advantage. I've especially tried to do that in my comedy writing, especially with shows like Seinfeld and coming up with ideas that men wouldn't pitch, for example, Elaine thinks the Korean manicurists are talking about her behind her back in Korean. It's doubtful that a man would come up with that idea. So take your femaleness and brandish it!
While I am a huge Seinfeld fan and know most episodes word for word, the early episodes do not seem to be standing up well. But once you get to the sweet spot of your tenure and beyond, the episodes are some of the most enduring TV of all time. Can you provide any insight on what was going on to make the later episodes so amazing? It doesn't seem like it was Larry leaving? I can't really speak for - it's hard for me to look at Seinfeld objectively, having worked there, I know that there are people who love the particular section of episodes you're talking about, but then there are people who love the early ones the best, and it's really so much a matter of personal taste. I just know that when I was there, it was the best writing job I could ever have had. I don't think I'll ever have one as near perfection as that one in terms of four cast members who were lightning in a bottle, and the partnership of Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, which I compare to the partnership of John Lennon and Paul McCartney in the comedy world.
Hi Carol. Despite what many have said, I loved your season on SNL's writing staff. So many great writers that year: you, Smigel, Swartzwelder, A. Whitney Brown (another comic I admire) Terry Sweeney and his partner Lanier Laney, etc. Why do you think it got so ill-received? PS love the book. Thank you! That's a really good question. The synergy at SNL was very strange that year. Lorne Michaels had just come back to the show after a 5 year absence, and there was a brand-new cast that included such diverse talent as Robert Downey Jr, Joan Cusack, and Randy Quaid. I don't think the show ever found its legs that year, because the stars have to be in alignment with the writing, the cast, and the people overseeing it, and it just never quite gelled that year. So it just goes to show you that you can have the best ingredients for a stew, and put it in the oven, and it can come out inedible.
Unrelated follow up questions: do you know I am the same Tiel Pearce from Facebook? And also, will you go on a book signing tour? Yes, I will definitely be going on a book tour, just check back to my website when we have confirmed all the dates and it will be there.
Hi Carol, I'm a 46 year old dude, newly single, no kids. But, after being tied down for 10 years, I find I've got no game left with the ladies. Now I know you have at least 15 years to go before you reach my age but, in your estimation, what are women in their 40's looking for? How can I get my groove back? Wow, well, you got my age all wrong that's for sure! But I'm very flattered. I think that the best thing a guy in his 40's should aim for, and what women are looking for, is a sense of authenticity, and a real sense of humor. I think if you are yourself, and you can be playful and funny, women love that. And my only other tip would be that (and I talk about a lot in my book) is "good manners never go out of style." Whether it be on a job interview or a date - always pick up a check, always open a women's car door, everything old is new again.
What's the funniest joke you know? That is a hard question. I would say there is a joke in my act that I do and have done for years that is always a guaranteed laugh (thank God) and it's about how my father who was an optometrist used to joke about how optometrists make lousy lovers because the whole time they're in bed with a woman, they're asking "better like this or better like this?"
I can always count on that joke when I'm in a pinch.
If you could change one thing about the comedy writing business, what would it be? Hmmm. I would have more comedy writers be more of the network execs. Because I think it's tough sometimes when you go into pitch to an exec who you know doesn't have the faintest clue about comedy and it's frustrating to pitch to people like that who you know are pretty clueless. So I wish some more comedy writers would moonlight as network executives, because I'd sure look forward to going into that room and pitching to them!
What was your favorite SNL sketch or tv episode that you wrote? I think my favorite would probably have to be "That Black Girl." it was a sketch that I wrote along with a couple of other writers that starred Danitra Vance, who was the first African-american female cast member. And it was a take-off of Marlow Thomas' That Girl. And I also wrote a sketch called "Mafia Greeting Cards" for Anjelica Huston, who had just been in Prizzi's Honor, and that was a real fun one too.
Whose idea was it to do this IAmA, yours or your publicist? It was actually my idea! I heard or read about Betty White's interview, and I loved the idea of people being able to ask anything they want in real-time, and that is still exciting to me. I think it's from being a standup , I like being in the moment with an audience. Can I ask why you ask that?
Are you a redditor with an anonymous account as well as this one or is today your first time visiting on the site? I didn't know you could have an account! I've just read the transcripts before off the internet, so now that i know that, I can become a redditor.
Thanks for doing this, I’ve often heard you referred to the “real Elaine”, but I’ve never heard any specifics, care to share any? I know sometimes life imitates art far more than art imitates life, so have you ever said or done something and then thought wow, that’s something Elaine would say or do? I think people make the Elaine connection because I dated Jerry many many years ago, and we have stayed friends since. And he has mentioned that I was a bit of an inspiration in coming up with the character when he and Larry were creating the characters, but then I've also heard Larry David mention a couple of other women as his inspiration for Elaine. But as far as direct comparisons go, look: I'm a very good dancer, I don't push people halfway across the room when I'm surprised, so there you go.
I know this may sound rather obvious, but it intrigues me nonetheless. In shows like Modern Family, after the actors have been cast for their respective roles, do you have to tailor your scripts to the actor somewhat, or do you purely focus on the character you created and hope that they can maintain the fit for the role? Well, the wonderful thing about my job is that as a comedy writer you really just need to focus on the writing because when you work on a show like Seinfeld or Modern Family, you know that when you hand your material over to the actors, they are so good that they are going to make it even 100% better. I love when you give the raw material to amazing actors like Julie Bowen, or a Michael Richards because you know that when they are done with it, it's only going to be even better than you imagined.
Greg Fitzsimmons has eluded to Ellen Degeneres being a nightmare to work for. Why do you agree with that? Examples please. Why do I agree with that? Wow, you should work for the government. I worked with Ellen, I co-created her second sitcom with Mitch Hurwitz, who created Arrested Development, and it was another example of great auspices I feel on all fronts but never quite found its niche. I don't know anyone who works harder than Ellen DeGeneres. And I'm sorry that the sitcom never really found its wings.
In fred wolf's book, larry david worked out some deal where they cut out an agent fees -- would you recommend doing that as well? No. I wouldn't. Agents are really helpful, especially at the beginning of one's career. I think they only start to get cut out when someone has reached this amazing level of fame where they can kind of create these sort of unorthodox deals. I still don't know anyone who is able to cut their agent out of deals, that is some slick maneuvering.
Who are some of your fave female comedians? I love Wendy Liebman, she is one of my favorite comedians, I adore her. I love Amy Schumer, I think she is so fresh and sharp and funny, and then there's a woman on Last Comic Standing whom I love called Erin Jackson.
And I love Kathleen Madigan too, she's one of my favorites.
0 for 4 with Emmy nods. In your heart of hearts, how pissed are you? Well, I really look to Susan Lucci as an inspiration, because I don't know how many times she had to wait, but if you're patient, good things do come. And it took me 22 auditions to get on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and I talk about that in my book, so I can wait anybody out.
Who is your favorite for winning the world cup? Portugal seems to have choked completely in the first game against germany - do you see them coming back to get out of the group, or will the US / Ghana advance with Germany? Wow you must have mistaken me for someone sitting at a sports bar!
Last updated: 2014-06-21 00:57 UTC
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2013.12.18 01:38 tabledresser [Table] IamA 23-year-old girl who has lived on boats my entire adult life. AMA!

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Date: 2013-12-17
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Questions Answers
Do you sea people often? And when you do, do you just wave? Stumped for a witty answer. Stumped. Stump. Wooden pirate leg stump? No?
What made you decide this is the life you wanted to live? There are a few things which inspired me.
When my dad was a teenager, his parents took him & his siblings out of school and they lived on a boat and cruised around the Mediterranean for a few years. I grew up hearing tales about 'Jernica' and also read the book my grandfather wrote about their time onboard. (Link to
When I was 14, I chose to leave school and become home educated. Our local home ed group raised funding for us to go on a sail training voyage with The Cirdan Sailing Trust. I loved the trip and was invited back to volunteer. I received bursaries to complete my sailing qualifications, and am still volunteering with Cirdan (and other sail training charities) to this day.
So in that sense, I kind of fell into the world of boats. More consciously I have always known that I would live an unconventional life, and this seems to be it.
I couldn't think of another life or community I would rather be a part of.
Plugging grandpa's book...good girl. Of course :)
I have a question now. Why did you move to a boat with no sails? The space on the new boat is unparalleled. You wouldn't get that much space on a sailing boat of the same size.
And, I have found that I tend to do most of my sailing on other people's boats - volunteering with sail training charities etc.
So it makes sense that I get the maximum benefits of my boat (more space), and enjoy the sailing I do on other people's boats.
Maybe one day the novelty of so much space will wear down a bit, and I will swap to a sailing boat of the same size. If I do that, she will be wooden and gaff-rigged :)
How do afford moorage, fuel, food, etc? I work. I spent the last two years in Brighton working for a big digital marketing agency, and now I work for myself (freelance digital strategy/social media, and some sailing writing) so can earn money from anywhere with an internet connection.
Uh. Question? :)
Just my standard reaction to metawork, don't worry about it. :) OK. I had do google metawork. You mean in reference to the fact I work in marketing?
Yes. I would have expected someone living on boats to have a job that involves actual problem solving instead of basically assisting idiots in lying to themselves about problems that didn't exist before. (aka marketing). ;) Marketing is problem solving, and it's certainly real enough for me. I'm afraid you sound like the idiot here.
Wait, does that make me part of your target audience? Tiny weasels don't figure in any of my current clients' target audience.
Would/will you raise your children on a boat as well? Having children and raising them on a boat is my dream, yes.
Is Rosie Swale your great example? Loved her book. I haven't read it, but it sounds like I should. I have never really been one to have heros, I don't know why.
Lets do it ! Sigh.
Do you ever trip and fall on land when you compensate for an imaginary wave? No, but on that note, the other day I was on a long-distance train and walked through a few carriages to the buffet bar. I kept trying to walk along the passageway as if I were on a boat, but it didn't work. On a boat you can anticipate what the boat is going to do, as you can see and feel the wave motion, but on a train you've got no idea what is coming next.
Have you ever considered being buried at sea once the time comes? I couldn't think of anything worse. It spooks me to think about what's down there. The thought of swimming underneath my boat gives me the creeps! But one day I expect I will have to do it to free off some line stuck round the propeller or something.
The thought of swimming underneath my boat gives me the creeps! Yeah I live aboard too, and any time I think of going under the boat, NOPE. My friends dive the boat for me and I don't even like watching them under it hahah. Yep, friends are great aren't they!
Don't you ever get sea-sick? I mean, isn't it just a natural thing that would happen especially in your case? Yes I get seasick. I have learnt when it is likely to affect me and have developed coping strategies for it.
I am most likely to get seasick if I set out on a rough passage having not been to sea for a while. If I have been at sea for a few days and then hit bad weather, I'm likely to be fine. Also, if I start feeling sick, the best thing I can do is find a task that gives me a sense of responsibility. If I am more focused on that than being seasick, the sickness will pass.
Also, I am lucky in that when I get seasick, I can just throw up and then I feel fine and can carry on with things (and probably throw up again 30 mins later, and repeat). It knocks some people out so they are totally unable to function. I have learnt to deal with it so it doesn't affect me so badly.
How feasible is living a life like yours for a regular person? Anybody could buy a boat and live on it statically without any knowledge of sailing or navigation, if they were never to take the boat anywhere. The boat would require maintenance though, so they could either learn to do it themselves, or pay someone to fix things, which could be very expensive. You also need a pretty thick skin as the heating is bound to break on the coldest night, the cooking gas will run out just as you're dying for a cup of tea, and the toilet will block at 3am in the morning when you're really desperate.
It's definitely not for everyone.
And if you want to go sailing, you would need to learn how to sail and navigate and fix things underway. But 'regular people' can learn to do all of that.
Another question if it's not too much. Reading the thread, I assumed you meant you're living on the open water for the main bulk of your life and returning to land only to resupply. Please correct my assumption. Simply put : How much of your time will be out in the open waters and how much will be on land or on dock? Hey there. Yes, so far I have spent most of my time at the dock, going off for sailing trips throughout the year. Other people continuously cruise, where they will spend most of their time sailing about and anchoring. Unfortunately there aren't any good anchorages where I kept my previous boat most recently and we certainly don't get the weather to sail through the winter. I would like to cruise more in the future (i.e. less time with a permanent berth).
Aren't you afraid of worse things that can Happen? Like falling from the boat etc.? A lot of bad stuff can happen on a boat, yeah, but there are precautions you can take for it all. And let's face it, nothing is more dangerous than crossing a road and risking getting hit by a car, right?!
Just think of the Risk by going out of your house Or staying at home! Today You can get hurt almost everywhere Yep, so it might as well be on a boat :)
How much did the ketch cost you, and who paid for the repairs to recommision it? My first boat, the ketch, is worth about £25k. I paid for it with money I had earned and saved myself.
I am currently working on recommissioning the second boat. I am paying for it myself, with help from family & friends to do the physical work required. As mentioned, I have also gained a few sponsors who have helped out with some of the items I will need for the trip.
Out of interest, what does it cost you to run it? Seeing as it's not sail-powered, what do fuel costs set you back? I wrote a book when I was 15 and it was published, I ended up speaking at a lot of conferences and doing some consultancy work. I was still living at home so managed to save up everything I earned, putting it in those bank accounts with amazing 7% interest rates. Then I went on a sailing trip in the Med, helping a friend deliver a boat. We were sailing along completely out of sight of land and I picked up a newspaper one of the other crew had bought a few days ago. The headline story was the Icelandic bank crash - there I was, on a little sailing boat in the middle of the sea, realising all my money had just disappeared. Luckily I got the money back a few months later, and decided to buy a boat instead of putting it in another savings account!
Also, how on earth do you earn £25k by the time your 18? Edit: Also, she is worth £25k now but I paid a bit less than that at the time.
Good old interest!! I remember when it was that good, and now it's peanuts. 21 year old wishing I'd had the intelligence to earn that much money when I was stuck doing a too-hard degree and going to come out with nothing. :( Yeah, there's not much point saving for interest now.
As to the rest of it, it's all about creating opportunities for yourself. It's amazing what can happen if you put a proposal in front of someone, no matter what industry you are trying to achieve something in.
What are you interested in/what do you want to do?
Do you have a boyfriend? Because you seems like this Pisces fellow's dream girl. On a serious note though are there docking fees wherever you go? How do you pay for it? That lifestyle would be surprisingly expensive here in the states. Yes, berthing fees, expensive. I paid about £4,000 a year for a permanent berth for my 37ft boat. This 53ft boat will obviously be more expensive. It depends which marina you choose though - location and access (e.g. if the berth dries out so it's tidal access) can affect the price by more than 100%. If you are away cruising, you can anchor a lot, which is free. But for now I am living a marina lifestyle (occasional cruises, life/work ashore).
4,000 a year is cheap compared to rent in an apartment not much bigger. I'm sure there are other expenses and issues, like the 25,000 initial investment, but I'd say you're winning when it comes to living expenses. Yeah, there are of course other boat-related expenses, maintenance and haul-outs etc., but if you ONLY wanted to live on your boat and not sail it anywhere (unlike me), you are unlikely to pay more than you would for house maintenance.
Are you a virgin ? Watch out, I'll clump you round the head with my stumpy wooden pirate leg.
Do you like toe socks? No but I like merino wool socks.
Your funniest fart story? There have been some terribly quick escapes from the cabin, let's put it that way.
You mention that you work to afford living ect. Realistically how much do you work? (like hours, weeks a year) Sounds like it would be nice to have a casual job, get enough money to go for a few months cruise every year! is this how you operate? Thanks! :) Great question... I have never had a full-time 9-5, let's put it that way. For the past couple of years I worked three days a week for a digital marketing agency, and spent the rest of my time doing freelance work for my own clients. It all paid really well and still gave me enough freedom not to feel like I was chained to a job. I lived cheaply on my old boat, and saved up, and went away about 5 or 6 times from March to October for week long sailing trips.
Since August this year I have just been working for myself, very part-time hours, for enough money to keep me afloat (hahaa). I bought my new boat last month and have been concentrating on that.
My life seems to go in bursts of working hard for a couple of years and saving a good amount of cash, then taking a bit of time out for a new project or sailing or to move somewhere new. Now I have got to the point where I can still earn some money (via my freelance work) whilst taking that time out. It works for me!
Some people stay in harbour for winter and work, saving up enough to cruise the next summer. Others work as they travel around.
Can I ask how much money do you personally need to maintain your lifestyle, what is minimum and what is comfortable? :3. I'm not sure yet, because I have just bought a new boat which is much bigger and requires some work doing to it, which is costing me a lot at the moment. The new boat will cost me a lot more in ongoing living costs, mooring fees and maintenance because it is much bigger.
On my previous boat, my expenses were: £300/month mooring fees £20/month electricity £20/quarter gas bottle for cooking £40/month diesel fuel for heating in the winter.
That's it. On top of that I have my phone/internet (£18/month) and I choose to drive a car, so costs related to that. So I didn't need a lot to be comfortable. Maybe £200/month for food including a takeaway/meal out. I don't go out clubbing/drinking and stuff like that, don't buy lots of clothes etc., I enjoy saving my money for better experiences.
Mooring fees for my new, bigger boat, could be between £300-£600/month depending where I go, based on a couple of places I've been looking at. Electricity seems to be around the same, say £30/month. I will save a bit of money though because I now have my own washing machine - it used to cost me about £8 to do a wash & dry. Little things like that add up! Heating is more expensive, I seem to be burning through about £65 of hardwood logs in 2-3 weeks, but that's only a winter expense, and I have an idea of how I can make that pay for itself :)
So, in conclusion... personally, I can live on very little; I don't have expensive tastes or hobbies and feel better about saving money than spending it. My old, smaller boat cost me less to run, my new one will be quite a bit more expensive.
I do a bit of sailing in Prince Edward Island on the East Coast of Canada, mostly on racing J29s. I've always been interested in living in a boat, but the water freezes in the wintertime over here so it's not possible to do it year-round. Do you live in your boat over the winter or do you take it out of the water? Also, have you any intentions of eventually crossing the ocean? It would certainly be an adventure! Hey there, that sounds cool, I have done a (little) bit of racing. That's a shame the water freezes - it rarely gets cold enough to freeze seawater here, but I saw the inner lock frozen the other week. I have always lived on my boat in the water, never taken it out over winter for the sake of it. I have spent a lot of this year living on boats in boatyards, and it's just not the same as living on a boat in the water - even if you're not going anywhere. Also, the toilet situation sucks out of the water! I expect I will cross an ocean; I can imagine the sense of achievement would be amazing.
Gotcha. Are she back in the water yet or are still in the yard? The interior is beautiful! Do you have any outside shots? Still in the yard, she was supposed to go back in last week but there were some paperwork issues so we have postponed the launch until the New Year.
Do you still use poi? What do you like to do to pass the time when not busy? Ah! :) I haven't spun fire poi for a few years now, but I was digging around in the engine room the other day looking for a can of paraffin so I can do just that... funny you mention it :)
If I have an internet connection I will go online and update Elizmor's blog with new photos etc. otherwise there are always little boat jobs to do - chopping wood, lighting the fire, tidying up, planning the next bit of work for her. And then it's nice to read a book!
What wildlife have you seen while living on boats? Seen any dolphins? I must admit I'm not that big into wildlife - maybe because it's mostly seagulls around the UK... ha ha... but yes I have seen dolphins in the UK and the Mediterranean. Actually the strangest thing I ever saw was whilst sailing in the Med out of sight of land, and the water appeared bright red and solid up ahead. Turned out to be a huge shoal of fish, probably being fed on/attacked. That was spooky.
How long do you think you'll live on a boat? Also, does the lack of storage space ever bother you? On a 53' boat this might be less of an issue but he had a lot of his possessions in storage and would need to swap out his summer stuff for winter stuff and vice versa. I can't imagine not living on a boat right now. I love the community and the people you meet too much.
My best friend lived lived for five or six years on a 36' trawler he rebuilt but got sick of the lack of space and constant maintenance and moved in with his gf. I understand the feeling about lack of space, storage, etc. - that's why I was keen to buy my second boat, as it's a completely different living-on-a-boat experience to my old one.
Have you seen the new movie "All is Lost"? Did you enjoy it? No, I haven't heard of it, I will check it out. I did see "Captain Phillips", though - about the true story of the Maersk Alabama hijacking by pirates. That was a brilliant film. I reviewed it here: Link to
Do you ever get land sick? Is that a thing? Sure, if you spend a week or so at sea and step back ashore, everything starts swaying, as your brain is still compensating for a non-existent motion. The best part is after a long trip, if I take a shower ashore, the cubicle starts swaying. It's good fun.
Hi! Is it comfortable living on a boat while docking? Do you always have enough heating, electricity and how good is the internet connection? Can you take a hot shower every night when being on a cruise for lets say 3-4 days? Hey there, thanks for your questions. It all depends entirely on the boat. My first boat was typical of a small sailing yacht - very basic but comfortable. Heating, no shower onboard but you can use the marina facilities. To get electricity you either had to plug in to the dock or run the engine to charge the batteries.
My new boat has its own generators and inverter, so you can run off mains electricity even whilst at anchor. She also has a mini bath/shower. So it's luxury in comparison!
Just a point, even if I have access to the marina showers (and they are usually very good), I would never shower every night (unless I had been working & getting particularly dirty). Living on a boat has shown me how completely unnecessary that is. Every couple of days is perfectly OK. So I would never dream of showering every night on a sailing trip unless I was on a huge boat with massive water tanks, a watermaker, and somewhere sweating hot in the tropics that required such frequent showering.
Are you on reddit/internet right now from this boat? Yes I am.
Are you scared? Right now there's a massive storm blowing, but I am out of the water in the boatyard. Even so, the boat is still shaking in the big gusts - that is impressive! I just went outside in the midst of a huge squall to try and tame the foredeck cover a bit.
There is nothing better than being safely tucked up in a storm on a boat, but nothing worse than being caught out in one. Yes, it's scary if you are, but every time it happens you have a little more experience to draw on the next time.
Thank you for responding! It really interesting to see your lifestyle. Last question if you don't mind - do you go fishing on your boat? I haven't fished much on my boat, but it's a running joke with my boyfriend when we try and fish from his boat. We haven't been very successful so far... need to go and find some warmer waters :)
Do you have a car? If so where do you keep it? If not, how do you commute from the boat to your job? I don't have a job, I work for myself, and when I did have a job, I cycled there.
I do have a car though. It's an MX5 and I love driving it. Right now it's parked next to my boat in the boatyard. I will have to drive it back down the country and probably leave it with my parents when the time comes to sail my boat down south.
Have you ever contracted scurvy? Nope. The splash of lime in a gin & tonic takes care of that.
Hiya, I'm 23 and I've always dreamed of doing this and had no idea it was possible. Do you have any advice for a complete novice? I've seriously had DREAMS of doing this! I am sad I missed the whole AMA. :( Of course it's possible! It depends exactly what you want to do though. Do you just want to live on a houseboat? Or go cruising? Anyone can live on a houseboat, but you need to learn to sail if you want to go off travelling. Anyway, you should learn to sail ;) Join local sailing clubs and offer your help as crew, and take sailing courses with sailing schools. At our age, tall ships/sail training is a great way to get involved and make friends whilst learning to sail. Where do you live?
Have you ever considered sailing around the Americas or the Pacific or anywhere else around the world? I would absolutely LOVE to learn about sailing and boats. I am fairly handy when it comes to building and fixing things, and am also a quick learner, but I have very little experience on the water. Also, how would you recommend a boating noob learn more about the lot? Hey there, thanks for your question. Yes I have considered it, Pacific would be an unforgettable experience. I'd like to explore the Mediterranean, to see how it has changed from the stories I have grown up around from my dad about the time he spent cruising it as a teenager with his family.
Best ways to learn would be to join a sailing club and offer to crew for people, or pay for training courses like the RYA. Also opportunities like sailing on tall ships is a great way to meet people, but a slightly different kind of sailing.
Admit it, how many times have you fallen in the water? :p. None! You really don't want to fall in the water from a boat. If you see someone fall in, even if you think you'll be able to recover the person, you send out an emergency Mayday call to the coastguard straight away.
Do you still like seafood? What, because I know what goes into the water?! Seafood is OK. It would be amazing to do a blue water passage and live off fresh fish that you catch. Self-sufficiency innit.
Apart from boats, do you have any other favorite types of watercraft? I like windsurfing, and sailing dinghies in warm water on holiday, but that's still a boat. :) Ah, I like wakeboarding too, I can do little jumps across the wake! Woop woop.
What do you do for fun on the boat? do you haz internet there? There's so much to occupy your time with. I like to have friends round and cook for them. Playing cards is good fun, and I recently bought a Jenga stack. Even just cleaning and tidying up isn't a horrible chore. Yeah I have internet, I tether my laptop to my iPhone and use my unlimited data through my phone contract. £18 a month for thousands of minutes, text, and as much internet as I can eat. :)
You know I didn't even think of that.. I guess you go to port or whatever and get steaks whenever you want huh? I thought you might of just ate from the sea. I just eat like anyone else; last night I cooked a stir fry, tonight I think I will cook a spaghetti bolognese. Not so much steak... although I have been meaning to try a flash-fried steak on top of the Rayburn hot plate, that would be amazing :)
Are you on giffgaff? No, I am on Three.
You ever watch Seinfeld? You look just like Ellen Bettis. Elaine Benes. I'm not sure I do but I guess I'll take that as a compliment.
After living out on the water so much, are you completely used to it? Also, do you ever get seasick? Hey there. I am used to the things I experience, yes, but every time you go to sea or step on a boat you learn something new. Yes I do get seasick, I answered that question below. Thanks for your question.
I work at a place that sells wood burning stoves, recently we started installing them in peoples homes, caravans and boats. Seeing some of these canal boats/barges and speaking with the owners. Its inspired me at 32 to get one. the missis aint really down with the whole idea but i kinda have my heart set on it. What would you say the absolute best thing I could say to her to maybe help her see the positives of it? Thanks for the great question. Living on a boat really is a magical thing. Do you know what your partner's main apprehensions are?
The thing is, there are so many different kinds of boats out there, and ways of life involving them, that 'living on a boat' is about as vague as saying 'I go to work' - what kind of work? Who do you work with? What hours do you work? Do you work outdoors or behind a desk? How much do you get paid? Is it a physical job? Does it require a lot of travel? There are just as many variables to living on a boat.
For example, the best thing about my previous boat was that it was a cheap way to live, enabled me to save lots of money, and I could go sailing (for free) whenever I wanted. Arguably the best thing about my new boat, is that it has an Aga! (And a wood-burning stove!)
Whats a cool story you have about being on the water 24/7? Lots of cool stories, but the most scared I've ever been whilst sailing on a long passage was when we could see a nearby lightning storm in the middle of the Mediterranean. It was the middle of the night, so hot onboard, I was off-watch and supposed to be sleeping. I was in the aft cabin and the hatch was right above my bed so all I could see were lightning flashes on the sails, and not being able to do anything about our situation.
Generally sailing watches is hard work for the first day or two, until your body adjusts to its new sleeping pattern. You get pretty tired and usually end up seeing weird shapes in the shadows at night.
Aga. Mine is actually a Rayburn, but I said Aga because it's the same thing and I thought everyone knew what that was. Obviously not :) It's a country range style cooker. Mine takes solid fuel, so you make a fire in one compartment, close the door up, and it heats up the oven compartment and hot plate on top. Makes the best toasties and roasts if you can get the oven hot enough :) Anyway, they belong in country houses, not boats, but my new boat has one and it's amazing. I have the fire burning all day at the moment (winter time) and it heats most of the boat. Best thing ever.
Thank you. The worst part of that particular jaunt was when we had to go to Flight Quarters one night. A helicopter was coming out to us to embark some Navy SEALs who were going to use our platform (DDG) for some training. During Flight Quarters, special positions and watchstations must be manned for the entirety, which includes the Crash & Salvage response team. Guess who was a member of that? That's tough, 18 hours! Hope they paid you well :) Btw, have you seen Tom Hanks' latest film 'Captain Phillips'? That was a great advert for the US Navy & SEALs.
Yup, my watch relief. And sure enough, FQ began one hour before my watch ended, no one was willing to relieve me and take my partner's watch, and I ended up doing my rounds for eighteen. Hours. Straight. The longest I was ever on watch was when I crewed a 101-year-old 22m gaff yawl on the Morgan Cup race earlier this year. There were only four of us onboard - half as many crew as we should have had. One person was helming, so that only left three of us to do all the deckwork and sail handling on this big, old gaff boat. The race went all through the night, with the first turning mark at about 10.30pm, so we were working hard changing sails in the pitch black with just three of us on deck the whole time. That was crazy. We retired at midday the next day as the wind died.
How expensive would it be for an average boy such as myself to sail around the world? How long is a piece of string? It depends on how comfortable you want to be - what kind of boat you get, if you stop in expensive marinas vs free anchorages, if you try and pick up some work on the way round, etc.
Have you ever had an idea to throw a boat party? Yeah sure. Actually the first thing I tried to imagine when I was a prospective buyer for both of my boats, was 'Can I imagine throwing a party on here?' The answer was yes, so I bought them :)
Re: the south coast of the UK... Have you ever called in at Swanage? It's my most favourite place in the whole world. I haven't, but I have anchored a few times in Studland Bay, just to the north of Swanage. I will try and get a bit closer to Swanage next time the opportunity arises. Thanks for the tip.
Are there other alternative living situations you'd like to try out someday? A boat house is on my dream list. I live "unconventionally" too, but I'm always feeling pulled to the next adventure. I like the idea of living in a country house with lots of land, but this second boat was enough of 'the next adventure' for me. It really is a different life to living on my first boat.
How do you have internet to post this? I am tethering my laptop to my iPhone and using its all-you-can-eat data package which is included in my phone contract at £18 a month. Obviously only works when I have mobile signal.
Mega cool. Why did you do that with only 18, any particular reason or? Hey there, do you mean why did I choose to live on a boat at 18 years old? If so, I have answered that question already - top comments, what inspired me to live on a boat.
How are your "sea legs?" They're doing well thank you, currently swaddled in thermal trousers and enjoying being ashore in this freezing cold weather and imminent gale!
Have you experience any crazy storms like ones seen in a movie? Nope. That is my biggest fear. As long as you're in the right boat though, and know your storm survival tactics, that's all you can do!
Last updated: 2013-12-21 18:30 UTC
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