Dating i herts

1800 km apart. I feel sad. I seek advice for how to ammend and do i delete Instagram?

2020.11.09 10:22 LostExplorer8142 1800 km apart. I feel sad. I seek advice for how to ammend and do i delete Instagram?

Hello guys this is my first post on Reddit. and indeed a very serious post. I dont have many friends to talk to and I really want to talk to someone. It is about my Girlfriend. She from the same country as me but is studying aborad. The stay is from Sep-Dec. She will be home late december.
Im am from 1996(24) and she is from 1998(22)'
WE have beene together in 2 years
#The Problem.
We had a date watching a tv series sharing screen from my pc. with our cams turned on. It all went so good. ( we have been together for a couple of years and are arranging to move together when she comes back). When the series was over I fucked up or I dont know. I per habbit logged in to Instagram while i still was screen sharing. my discover feed is full of Fitness models and other models witch i tend to look at from time to time. She became upset and I felt very guilty. I quickly said something like use instagram really and she was like you dont open it by accident if you dont do it often. you i said and was embared. " why would i lie" i said i was emarred and felt guilty. She wantet to see more but i said no. She closed her cam and watcched me or I dont know i couldnt see. I think she felt sad and angry at me. I wrote her but she told me cold to go to sleep. Not the end i had i mind for our date.
what do i do now?
The question
How would you react if you caugth your bf watching other instagram models in bikini and Little clothes like fitness athletes
#Ekstra Info
  1. To be honest it is like porn to me and I dont have any feelings for it. I feel guilty because it is not the first time and I should not look at it when i Know she gets hit by it. Last time i also sat with regret and delete the pictures and the hisotry. But then time goes on and i eventualy look agian and then it develops. I dont hhink she should see what I i look at. she should not compare her self to what they look like. If I had turned on pronhub she woundt have reacted the same way. I feel so lonely when she puts me on ice.
  2. She means evrey thing to me and i Miss her like hell.
3)I have a high sex drive and ussualy matrubate not this month thou. Is it bette to watch porn then?
4) We really should talk about this
5) After she got me the first time i didnt deleted it all and didnt have the need because she was there like the first 1.5 year.
6) She is very social and im less. I am really jelus on evrey one who is with her because i miss her so much. We normally talk in the phone often and write about evrything. I dont really have any1 else. She is my best friend too. I know she has aloot of pepoel she can talk all things trough with. Im writing you becasue I really dont know and I should Sleep.
7) I feel Like shit. This is my first relationship I really Love her. I would like to hear what to do next.
8) I have visited her 3 times and will again in 25 days. She already bogth her ticket
9) am I a duch/Idiot? I want her to trust me. maybe i should just show her all of it? and talk to her about the
10) There is allot more information but i will awser questions and be trying to keep it short. Sorry for any spelling mistakes
**TL;DR;** : I feel so bad. I lied to my gf. I watched other girls on Instagram. By a mistake i showes it to her while we was screen sharing. We had just watched a tv series together. We are about 1800 km apart because she is studying abroad. I miss her so much. problem i have a high libido and I get driven away on watching Instagram. From time to time i delete all because I fele guilty and bad. This time my Gf saw and she got hert. Warrining enligsh is not my strong suit.
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